When a man approaches you and attempts to open a conversation he is as much judging you as you are judging him.
If a guy chooses to open a conversation with a cheesy, gross, or even sexist pickup line, that is often a conscious choice and is as much done to eliminate you from consideration as it is to get your interest. A woman’s reaction to such things can tell a man more about her personality in 5 seconds than an hour of small talk.
While some of the things men say at that point are very cringe-worthy. Your reactions simply mean you are not the right woman for them. Nothing wrong with that, but you are far from being representative of women in general.
If I assume you are straight, I can guarantee you that I have a far more diverse sample size to pull from regarding approaching and chatting up women in public than you do.
I know some women are, like you, annoyed at being approached in public by some stranger. But the reality is everyone is annoyed by it. Being annoyed by strangers trying to talk to you is not some special feature of being a woman.
In my experience, many women do not have a problem with being approached in public as long as it is done in a respectful way. In fact, many women enjoy it very much and view it as a much more organic way of meeting someone than dating apps.
A few anecdotes from my own experience:
About three years ago, I was in a pharmacy buying a father’s day card for my dad. I was in the card aisle when a nice-looking young woman came up and also started looking through the cards. We chatted a bit while we read cards. She was a nanny and looking for cards for the kids she looked after to give to their dad and one for her dad. I found what I was looking for and said good luck and went and checked out. On my way out of the store, I realized there was no reason why I shouldn’t ask this girl for her number. So after I put my stuff in my car I went back into the store and found her getting ready to check out. We had a brief conversation I asked her for her number, she gave it to me. We dated off and on for about 3months, but while we were dating at one point she told me that she was happy I had come back into the store because she wanted to ask me for my number but was too shy to do so.
Maybe about 6 months before that, I went to the theater to see a well-known comedian perform. I ended up sitting next to two lovely women that I was quite attracted to. We chatted before the show and during intermission. After the show, we walked out together and continued to talk. I asked them out for drinks. They didn’t have time that night but we exchanged numbers. Turned out one of them was married but the other was not. We did meet up for drinks, all three of us about a week later, and then just the one that was single and myself. She at one point told me that they were surprised and impressed that I had just asked them out that night.
About two years ago I met a woman at a seminar. I saw her from across the room and then later during a break I ran into her and we started chatting. We chatted a few times the rest of the day during breaks and at the end of the day, I asked if she wanted to get dinner. We went out for dinner and talked for several hours and really connected. We never actually ended up dating but became extremely good friends. I’ve met lots of her friends. I’ve met her daughter, she’s met my son. We get together every few months to go do something and we keep in touch regularly.
My point is that if you don’t want people to approach you, that is your choice. However, at this age when people complain about how difficult it is to meet people or to make friends as an adult, this “advice” is actually kind of terrible.
The only men that are going to listen to your advice are the ones that are already respectful. The men that you are complaining about, do not care, they aren’t on Medium reading open letters to single middle-aged men.
