I Drink Therefore I Am

How to keep you wits about you while everyone around you is drowning theirs.

Drinking alcohol is a part of most cultures around the world and yet it’s not particularly healthy. Many people choose to avoid it for one reason or another and doing so can lead to feelings of isolation, being ostracized or just being left out.

Maybe it’s just my biology, but for me personally the negative side effects far exceed any positive effect so I’ve never really understood the desire to drink alcohol. As such I’ve developed a strategy to fit in and appear to “keep up” with others when out socially. This strategy leverages human psychology, sociology, biology, and just a little bit of innocent deception.

The strategy starts before you even get to the restaurant or bar. While you are walking to the venue make sure you are near the front of your group. You want to be one of the first people to the table so you can pick your seat. You want to sit at the end of the table nearest to the bar. Then when everyone orders the first time, order last. This sets a precedent for the waiter to come to you last. In my experiences most of the time the waiter will start with the same person on each round.

For each round, always decline to be first because that is when people are paying attention, but no one pays…