All I can say is that I wish you had actually read what I wrote instead of filling in the blanks with what you think I said. You make claims about what I have said that are not at all accurate and misrepresent what I have said numerous times. In fact, if I had actually said the things that you think I said, I would agree with you.

While I understand your point of view that victims have no responsibility for anything ever and anyone that challenges that to any degree must be attacked. I think that approach to this, and every other discussion, is played out and lacks veracity. Every conversation between people involves nuance and subtlety. It is in these nuances where honesty and real change occurs. When we gloss over these subtle distinctions are being discussed we limit our own understanding and ability to see points of view that are outside of but not necessarily in conflict with our own. We limit our own ability to grow in understanding of the world and ideas beyond those that we already have.

So let's start with this first statement you make about my article:

You state that a victim “must” acknowledge that they actually had the power to leave an abusive relationship. Since when? Who decides what any other person “must” do?

Actually, I never said anything of the sort. What I said is in fact almost the exact opposite. “External motivation may be necessary for some but no one should believe they must have outside help to resolve their own situation.” Meaning that some people may require outside help but we should not encourage the belief that this help is a requirement to resolve the situation. Because if we encourage this belief there may be those that are capable of self-identifying and self-extracting themselves from a bad situation who won’t because they are waiting for this external motivation. No one should feel that that they need to wait for someone else to tell them they are in a bad relationship before they take the steps to resolve it.

Next, you say:

You assert that this claim (that the victim had the power to leave) is “truth”. Whose “truth”? Yours? Who cares? You weren’t there. You have utterly no idea what power any particular victim did or did not have, at any given point in time.

So again here I never make this assertion. Quite the opposite, I said, “Having or not having real power over your own situation may very well be out of your control.” Certainly, no one can be held responsible for choices when they have none. That is why I call out the fact that there are circumstances where the victim really has no power and cannot make a choice to leave. Because you are right, I don’t know. No one knows. Only those involved know. However, outside of those circumstances people, even victims of abuse, still have free will.

You then posit a causal relationship between a victim’s unwillingness to blame herself, and her entering into future abusive relationships. Which evidently are also somehow her fault, according to you.

Actually again, I never said anything like this. What I said is, “…it is important that victims acknowledge their own responsibility, however small, in their own circumstances. After all, it is this acknowledgment that informs the victims’ future relationship choices.” This has nothing to do with a victim taking on any level of blame or responsibility for an abuser. It is simply an acknowledgment that people make choices about the relationships they develop and some people learn from mistakes and others do not. Those that have been in abusive relationships and have learned to recognize the signs know to get out and avoid further involvement. Those that have not learned, don’t. It is the basic idea that those that do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

And finally…

Here’s the TRUTH: any person who chooses to abuse is 100% responsible for their actions. Period. They can’t blame it on something their victim did, or said, or wore, and didn’t do. 100% Abuser. 0% Victim. Period.

You are absolutely correct I entirely agree with you, an abuser is 100% responsible for their actions. What is not being said is that everyone is 100% responsible for their actions. It is a fundamental truth of life. It’s not really so much opinion, or “pop psychology”, or “fake news”. It is just reality. You walk out into the world, you make choices and you are the one that has to live with those choices and the consequences of those choices. Now if you or someone wants to live in a world where people don’t have responsibility for their own actions. You are certainly free to make that choice to believe that. However, you would still have to live with the consequences of making the choice to live that way. So you see, whether you believe it or not there is not really any way out of it. It is just the way life is. Your choices affect your life. But to the actual point, I agree with you, yes, you are correct victims are not responsible for the actions of their abusers. And abusers cannot be allowed to push their responsibility onto their victims. However, none of that means that victims are not responsible for their own actions and choices just like everyone else.

Ironically I suspect if you were to go back and read what I actually wrote, without the presumption that I am “victim-blaming” you would find that we are not that far apart in our positions.

A. We both believe that abusers are 100% responsible for their actions.

B. We both believe that abusers should not be able to foist responsibility on to their victims.

C. We both believe that victims are often truly powerless to remove themselves from the abusive situation.

The only thing we seem to differ in opinion about is if everyone otherwise has free will and if everyone is otherwise responsible for their own choices and actions and the consequences that come from them.